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F1 suffering massive superlative shortage

Barcelona, Saturday: The impact of the latest crisis to hit Formula One was fully realised today, at the end of a dramatic week of testing for all the F1 teams.

Reports from Barcelona indicate that F1 insiders and journalists alike have run out of ways to describe the performance of the Brawn GP team, who dominated the time sheets at the end of the week after some impressive lap times.

Superlative: Surprisingly quick F1 team Brawn GP

Superlative: Surprisingly quick F1 team Brawn GP

Double world champion Fernando Alonso is believed to have begun the problem when he described Brawn’s pace as “spectacular” earlier in the week, sparking off a flurry of articles praising the team for their hard work and commitment as they prepare for what will hopefully be a successful maiden season for the Brackley outfit.

Felipe Massa of Ferrari followed suit, claiming that Brawn’s pace was “unreachable” for his Italian team, with even more media reports following. Already the British F1 press has gone into a frenzy, with tabloid articles over the weekend resurrecting cliches like “giant-killing” and “staggering upset” usually reserved only for over-publicised FA Cup Third Round matches.

At least one editorial in this weekend’s cheaper press went somewhat overboard with the excitement surrounding the new team, promising a “stupendous season for Rubens Barrichello and his teammate. You know, that scruffy one with the silly beard. What’s his name again?”

Now journalists are reporting that they are running out of novel ways to emphasise the team’s performance, with investigators being despatched to Oxford to uncover little-used and archaic words that will help maintain originality in the face of the ongoing crisis.

A spokesman from The Sun said “We are unable to comment until we have discovered an appropriate set of adjectives.”

The Daily Mail agreed, adding that “The government has failed once again to provide us with a sensible list of excitable synonyms for use in our publication. Instead they are wasting millions of our readers’ more common cliches on ill-thought-out solutions for the current crisis. Someone should hang!”

It is understood that the situation is being compounded by a pressing need to adequately describe the superlative shortage as well.

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One Response

  1. I would describe BrawnGP’s performance as BADGERTASTIC!

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