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FIA in controversial “results merger”

Paris, Thursday: The FIA, not content with their current plans to wreak destruction on Formula One, have further deliberately attempted to undermine the credibility of the sport today by announcing that the results of the Bahrain and Spanish Grands Prix will be merged, as if they were just a single race.

Halved: Race winner Jenson Button

Halved: Race winner Jenson Button

An FIA spokesman indicated that the races had been so similar that there was little point in continuing to believe that they had actually been separate events. “So there was a lot of action in the first lap or so, and then it was pretty dull after that,” the spokesman told reporters. “Jenson [Button] managed somehow to win, while Rubens Barrichello’s engineers mysteriously messed up his strategy and compromised his race. Am I talking about the Bahrain Grand Prix or the Spanish Grand Prix? I don’t know, I can’t remember.

“This is why we’ve decided that the points scored from each race will be halved and then added together, as if they were a single Grand Prix,” he continued. “Seeing as no one can remember which race was which, it won’t make much difference anyway.”

Jenson Button’s Brawn GP team are said to be irate at the declaration, which means that Button will only have scored ten points from the two races rather than twenty. “That’s just tough luck, I’m afraid,” the spokesman said. “If they wanted the full complement of points, they should have made the races more memorable. I mean, it wouldn’t have been so much more difficult to get Jenson to overtake Rubens on the last lap, would it?”

FIA President Max Mosley defended the plans, saying, “It simply wouldn’t do to have Brawn running away with the championship at this stage. It’s not as if this is Ferrari, or anything.”

Brawn GP declared their intention to appeal the ruling, as soon as they could remember which races the FIA were talking about.


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