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Kwik-Fit announces F1 tyre plans

Manchester, Saturday: British car servicing company Kwik-Fit have announced that they are planning to apply for the chance to become Formula One’s sole tyre supplier after Bridgestone leave the sport at the end of 2010.

Kwik: F1 tyre supply hopefuls Kwik-Fit

The Japanese tyre manufacturer has cited spiralling costs in F1 as the primary factor in its decision to leave, and so far the major tyre manufacturers of the world have not been enthusiastic about joining the sport. Kwik-Fit, however, believes it can bring a new direction to F1 with its famed emphasis on speed.

“With our expertise in making things happen quickly, we’re sure that Formula One is going to be the best possible environment in which to test our services,” a Kwik-Fit spokesman said. “After all, you can’t get quicker than….no, wait, you can’t get fitter….oh, bollocks, what was it again?”

Despite the fact that Kwik-Fit does not actually manufacture tyres, instead only fitting them to people’s cars, the company insisted that this would not be a problem: “We’ve got a load of old tyres lying around in our workshops that will do just fine on a Formula One car,” the spokesman continued. “Who cares about boring things like compounds and construction? We’re all about low-cost and high-speed – just like Formula One these days. Although the costs seem to be inexplicably high and everything seems to happen much slower than it should. Go figure.”

The FIA has not responded to Kwik-Fit’s statement of intent yet, although FIA President Jean Todt was reported to have croaked irritably at the news.

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