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Mercedes livery causes widespread illness

Stuttgart, Monday: Mercedes’ announcement that they are buying a 75% stake in Brawn GP and rebranding the team as a works outfit has met with mixed reactions after the German corporation made the mistake of revealing the new team’s expected livery at their headquarters today.

Disturbing: The offending Mercedes livery

Disturbing: The offending Mercedes livery

Mercedes’ 2010 colour scheme is based on the unpleasant chrome livery that has characterised the McLaren cars since 2006, but this new iteration of the paint job caused serious illness in those it was exposed to this morning.

Most of the gathered reporters and motoring enthusiasts suffered only mild vomiting, but in some unfortunate individuals the symptoms were more serious. “I suffered a wave of uncontrollable spasms down my left hand side,” one journalist revealed, “and now I can’t feel my thighs.”

Several of those present also suffered temporary blindness. Unconfirmed reports suggest that one member of the crowd had to have his arm amputated after suffering a severe allergic reaction to the livery.

“Suddenly this picture came up on the slide show,” one eyewitness remembered. “It was horrible, a sort of disgusting chrome colour. I had to shield my eyes almost immediately, but I wasn’t fast enough – my body was doing all it could to try and erase the memory of the picture. I hope I never have to see one in the flesh.”

Mercedes motorsport chief Norbert Haug was surprised by the reaction: “Yes, the colour scheme is a little extreme, but I think this is something of an overreaction,” he said. “Eventually people will just get used to it. They will see it; they will like it. There is NO CHOICE!”

Haug’s further comments were lost amongst the screams of those unfortunate enough to have been in Stuttgart this morning.

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